Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong by Russ Kick

Author:Russ Kick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Disinformation Company
Published: 2010-09-09T16:00:00+00:00

Here’s how the major sequence of the first act unfolds. First, Rodriguez’s camera lingers over Banderas’ beauty, as our hero shaves, puts back his hair, and dons his best jacket. Hot. To go out and pick up a girl? Yes and no. His intent is to kill just about every inhabitant of a seedy Mexican bar. He does, with verve and oodles of choreographed, Woo-esque gunplay. As he walks away from the bar, the lone survivor stalks him unseen through the daytime streets. Or so we think.

The bad guy catches up to our hero just as sexy Salma enters, in a midriff top that causes a car accident as she crosses the street. She sees the gunman coming from behind, and at the last moment, our hero sweeps her out of the way, turns on the assailant, gets shot in the arm, and ends up on the ground on top of him, with the bad guy’s guns pressed under his own chin. The cum shot: Our hero shoots him, blood sprays everywhere, then Antonio swoons into Salma’s arms. Honestly, if that isn’t all an analog for sex, I don’t know what is.

Action-film directors have figured out what I—the slobbering audience member—want: a visceral, physical experience which is akin to sex.

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